cc would say so, too, i think

it's a curse.

earlier, i felt electric.
now, i feel wiped out and cursed.

no strings, but not random
in a few days i will be seeing one boy i used to have that with.
we were into mindfucking, mostly, as he lived in montreal,
and i in michigan.

i'll be traveling to see him in two days with our third,
the link to our sordid love triangle.
my love for third was requited, but never timely.
montreal was my compromise; i was living out third's fantasies for him.
we took dirty pictures of ourselves to send to third.
he was not amused. (secretly, he was amused)

montreal helped me to remember my sexuality. i need montreal again.

so we're all married now,
but i am the only one that isn't happy.

Tillman: We think about nature, place it in relation to our human lives. It has significance for us because we make it, or don't make it, significant.

Stockholder: But I also think that it does exist esparately from us, as distinct from Jameson's lecture, which doesn't. Jameson's lecture exists only in so far as he made it. He manufactured his lecture, which can exist next to a tree or inside a university building. In my work I manufacture something like that, like his lecture, that's very abstract and ordered, by me, and by the culture that houses me. But all that I make is meshed with, and sits on top of, stuff that is incontrovertibly there. I understand that we could talk - and philosophers do talk, ad infinitum, about whether in fact it's there if you don't see it. But I - and I imagine most people - have an experience of some things as really there, and other things as not quite there. I'm interested in how those two experiences mesh.


******
I think about taste a lot. House Beautiful the magazine reinforces and puffs up the notion of good taste, as if there's a right way to do it. My work opens that up to question and proposes that there is no right way to do it, that there's a lot of meaning apparent in the decisions that people make.

—Jessica Stockholder, 1995

"One of her commentators puts it that 'her meditation on how we build and perpetuate visual order can lead us at least to the fringes of meaning' - which we are now in a position to translate into the urban periphery - 'where anxieties about the orders we implicitly condone enter the field of vision'. —Bankowsky, Artforum

my heart doesn't recognize the state.

toot toot

exposed to the turquoise sky,
we fell asleep under the horse's head.
(me, and the couple glued together by insecurity.)
i ignored them best i could,
as i do,
and tried not to close my eyes.
but comfortable with my ultimate failure.

new, tighter budgets and
too much rest and
not enough substance
have always threatened the lives of my loved ones.

"...as literary theorist Morse Peckham once suggested, the function of art is to familiarize those perceptual orientations that prepare individuals to receive information relevant to survival..." —Lumpkin, Deep Design

"If God is dead, said Ivan Karamazov, everything is permitted. The modern age, unchecked by the fear or love of God, has indeed permitted everything, has been a time of atrocities. In view of such moral chaos, Wheelis formulates a credo for modern man: 'The mood of this work is that some things are not permitted, that there are immanent standards, of man's making but not of man's design, that they are, therefore, to be discovered by not created, that though not absolute they change but slowly, that to live by them is what is meant by being human...Something draws us as by an invisible hand — not God, but the advancing edge of our being which goes before awareness.' ...a confident yet illusionless look at the progress of man's awaremenss of others — a progress that is now humanity's only hope." — Wheelis, The Moralist, 1973

barney + hart at slows!
one free (?) glass of wine didn't offer enough courage.

i would do anything you asked me to.
but what i really want is you to allow me to do anything that i want to you.


it is probably time for bed.

are you do you

left handed
the middle or oldest child
have at least one brother
have the darkest brown eyes
(dark brown hair a plus)
interested in death metal
skateboard
into stevie wonder
drink
eat vegetarian food
love animals
read philosophy
live in detroit

yes?